Marriage is a beautiful journey, but sometimes couples hit rough patches where communication becomes strained. When you or your spouse don't feel heard, it can lead to misunderstandings piling up and growing emotional distance.
During my tenure as a marriage counselor, the main issued I see hurting marriages, besides affairs, is compromised communication.
These communication problems often come down to five different marital issues.
Sandpaper Marriages
In this type of marriage, spouses have stark personality differences, which often results in conflicting communication styles. For instance, one partner may be verbal and want to process thoughts and emotions quickly while the other person may prefer to take time to ponder their thoughts before speaking.
Marriage counseling can help strengthen your communication skills by learning to practice active forgiveness and develop conflict resolution that focuses on gratitude, patience, and reflection.
High-Conflict Marriages
High-conflict relationships are characterized by frequent fighting and conversations that frequently escalate from calm to hostile. Many times, this is the result of one or both spouses exhibiting all-or-nothing thinking and unmanaged emotions, which often stem from untreated or poorly managed personality disorders.
Sometimes high-conflict couples just have no framework for patient conflict resolution. Marriage counseling can help you both get to the root of the impulsiveness and defensiveness, so you can communicate without damaging language that can lead to an erosion of trust and intimacy.
Confusing Cycle Marriages
Also known as negative interaction marriages, these communication problems arise when couples get stuck in a repeating pattern. While the arguments can change, the way the couples deal with these conflicts remains the same. This often results in a corrosive loop, where each new interaction feeds the negativity.
Many times, these communication issues start with the small things: unpleasant tones, sarcastic replies, making decisions without the other spouse's input. While these little issues are often brushed under the rug at first, the dust piles begin to pile up.
Marriage counseling helps these couples understand attachment and avoidant personality styles can end up in this conundrum. You'll learn how to work on your individual abandonment fears and develop skills for showing vulnerability to each other to break the cycle.
Two Ships in the Night Marriages
When a married couple rarely sees each other or has developed emotional distance, they begin living as "two ships in the night." While they might share the same hoem, it feels like they are more like roommates who share superficial conversations.
These marriages often arise when a couple has opposing or busy work schedules. However, it is also common for over-stressed parents to develop a lack of quality time for each other. This can often result in limited conversation that makes one or both spouses feel lonely and potentially start avoiding or stop investing in the relationship.
A marriage counselor can help these couples come to terms with what they are avoiding and develop a plan that starts rebuilding intimacy and healthy communication.
Trauma Affected Marriages
Unresolved trauma from one or both spouses can often lead to deep emotional distance, trust issues, and disproportionate reactions to triggers. Many times, married individuals dealing with trauma will even unconsciously reenact past event. This can result in dysfunctional patterns in the marriage, such as chronic avoidance of emotional or physical closeness.
A marriage counselor can help the couple understand the specific words or situations that can trigger a trauma response. By developing this self awareness, both partners can begin to dvelop a consistitent, reassuring environment where communication can be had without fear.
Improve Your Marital Communication with an Experienced Counselor
I will teach you incredible steps in listening, how to resolve conflict, a new dialogue guide, key questions, and how to build loving conversation.
Communication is a skill not a gift. With intention, practice, and expert support you can rebuild closeness and understanding. If this article resonates with you, consider reaching out for a consultation. Your marriage is worth it! A great marriage is worth more than a million dollars!
Kent's marriage counseling helps couples in the Shoals and beyond rediscover a connection. Call to scheudle a session today.