After many years of experience in marriage counseling, I have found a model that is extremely powerful in changing marriages from hopeless to amazing.
In this model I meet with each partner individually to hear about the problem and co-plan on individual strategies to help each person and the marriage. This greatly decreases arguing during the session, which I find to be quite non-productive. Also, each spouse feels validated and heard. Personal needs are addressed much easier in this setting.
Later, I meet with the couple together, not to argue or for me to take sides, but to participate in one or more exercises that are designed to move the marriage in a positive direction. These exercises stretch the heart, teach practicals, and motivate new goals and dreams.
The following is a list of possible counseling exercises that I might use depending on the needs of the couple:
-
Dream Marriage
- Building Trust after an Affair.
-
Basic Communication Skills
-
The Value of Expressing Soft Emotions
-
Breaking Up the Power Struggle
-
Healing Hurts from the Past
-
Quality Time
-
5 Love Languages
-
Controlling Anger
-
Changing from the Unconscious Marriage to the Conscious Marriage
-
Caring Behaviors
-
Re-Romancing the Marriage
-
Sex
-
7 Keys to Making a Marriage Work
- 3 Spiritual Foundations to Success in Marriage
Each of these exercises build on the previous exercises. New habits are formed and reinforced. Old bad habits are eliminated. The marriage continues to get better and better. The new habits become so strong over time that the marriage will never return to the old bad habits. The marriage becomes fully equipped to deal with any challenge that is faced and what might have been a great misery has been turned into abundant joy!
Resources:
- Image: Jon Asato via Unsplash