Fear is a natural adaptive reaction to tough times in our lives. However, it can sometimes paralyze us into doing nothing about a problem. Instead, we bury these thoughts and feelings. Unfortunately, they almost always rear their head in other ways. When you are married, this often involves lashing out your partner, which can lead to those types of fights that leave you feeling broken and confused about not only what just happened but also the state of your relationship.
While counseling can help you face whatever fears you have about yourself or your spouse, that deep-seated feeling is often what stops you from getting help in the first place. When the cycle keeps repeating, you might think what’s the point, “We’re never going to change.” You might also believe the hurt is too deep, and you’ve both said and done things that have made you beyond hope. You might even think that you’ve tried everything, but if you’ve yet to see a therapist, then that is not true.
How Marriage Counseling Helps You Cope With Your Fears
Discover & Share Your Fear
There are many different types of fears individuals bring into a relationship or develop once they’ve been in one for a while. However, no matter what it is, you aren’t going to move past it if you don’t communicate it with your husband or wife. Counseling will provide you with a safe space to identify that you might be scared your loved one is going to leave you, that you don’t know how to trust them, or many of the other fears that married couples often harbor. Your therapist will then teach you how to express your feelings and take responsibility for it instead of putting the blame on your partner. They will also help you each to accept the others fears and how they might be triggering your own.
Develop a Plan for Resolving Them
Whether it is your fears or your partner’s, you’ll both have to do more than acknowledge them. You will also have to develop a real, concrete plan to rid them from your relationship. If you don’t know how to help one another, it could turn into frustration, withdrawal, or even shaming. Your counselor will teach you the skills to listen to your spouse’s fears and use positive conflict solving skills and support to make them feel more secure. This will help you both in the future address these feelings early on instead of waiting for them to turn into intense negative emotions like resentment, loneliness, or worthlessness.
Overcome Future Perceptions
If you or your spouse are highly anxious people, you might interpret even the slightest negative action as a threat to your relationship. Counseling will help you to quickly notice when you might be blowing innocent acts out of proportion because your fears are taking over. They can also help you question if your conflicts are evolving from fear, and if not, that the conflict in question doesn’t have to lead to more negative confrontations in the future.
If you constantly find yourself repeating the same negative thoughts about your relationship, ask yourself if they are coming from a deep-seated fear. Don’t let these feelings continue to cycle in your relationship, contact Kent Brand at A Family Matter for relationship or marriage counseling. He will help you come to terms with what you might be feeling and address them to your partner. Then he will give you both the tools needed to discuss these fears openly without judgement and move forward knowing how to handle them in the future.
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